Author | Jiya P.
Editor | Rex S.
Rise and shine y’all! This is Chief SSP Reporter Jiya reporting LIVE. It’s July 1, 2023 and this is SSP NewsCast bringing you updates from SSP at the Indiana University Campus.
Here at SSP NewsCast we bring the freshest news in all the Midwest, from local gossip to the juiciest updates, we got it all.
But first, I turn to SSP Reporter Vicky for today’s weather report on Floor 2 of the Goodbody Residential Building.
SSP Reporter Vicky (LIVE— played by Jiya):
Thank you Chief Reporter Jiya.
As usual, we woke up to the beautiful Bloomington, Indiana weather: hot and humid, and to top it all off… lightning storms!
Last night, my roommate Jiya and I were ambitious and aspired to rise early at 08:00 to eat breakfast. Fortunately, our plans did not come to fruition and we ended up awakening at 08:45 AM and saw absolute terror running loose on the streets of Indiana. Lightning strikes everywhere— absolutely everywhere.
With the intention of not being two out of 270 people (on average) struck by lightning in the U.S., we decided to have breakfast indoors at the local café (kitchenette), run by Mr. Shorey!
We enjoyed a delicious bowl of yogurt and cheerios and listened to the dolscent sounds of shrieking lightning strikes and harmonious sounds of thunderous winds.
Now, back to you Chief SSP Reporter Jiya.
Thank you SSP Reporter Vicky for your enlightening commentary. Sounds like you’re having a real blast out there!
Moving on— HOLD ON… IMPORTANT NEWS FROM SSP REPORTER JEREMY COMING IN FROM FOREST DINING HALL:
SSP Reporter Jeremy (LIVE— played by Jiya, again):
I’m here at the Forest Dining Hall with an unbelievable find. A never seen before occurrence of a mysterious message from the ghost of Forest…
I wonder who might have written such a despicable and devious note… This is Jeremy signing out… for now Very weird occurrence… now back to the normal program.
In preparation for the day’s events, all SSPers headed to IMU for lunch with their Genomics buddies. Before that, they of course had to get ready with their rain gear:
SSPers enjoyed the rainy walk there and enthusiastically went on the trek. It was one for the books. They were so excited to be drenched and were even more excited to eat more IMU food!
(don’t they all look so happy!)
Upon reaching IMU, I received a transmission from SSP Reporter Jeremy once again.
SSP Reporter Jeremy (TAPED- played by Jiya…again):
This is Jeremy, reporting live from the Georgian Room at IMU.
All SSPers were extremely enthusiastic about the day’s events, especially our TAs (wink wink). We finished eating lunch, which was delicious (as always). The decadent salads and turkey sandwiches were on another level. All SSPers were enlightened with an absolute feast.
SOMEWHAT BREAKING NEWS!!!
Live from the Georgian Room, Table 7, at IMU, we have SSP Reporter Brian reporting on the latest conflicts.
SSP Reporter Brian (LIVE— played by Jiya, not a surprise):
Yes, that’s right. We have just had a medical emergency at Jiya’s table. Her teammate, Dom, has suffered from a major allergic reaction from the slight trace of peanuts in the homemade cookies from lunch. Currently, we are being updated by the minute about the situation.
Hopefully there will be no casualties today. Figures crossed.
Back to you SSP Reporter Jeremy.
SSP Reporter Jeremy (LIVE— played by Jiya, yay):
After a quick break (and a bit of a medical emergency with SSPer Dom), they began to play quiz bowl (basically easy science olympiad). Jiya’s table absolutely demolished the other competition and left them in the dust with a 30/30 sweep (this was blackmail…absolutely false information).
Back to you Chief SSP Reporter Jiya.
Thank you SSP Reporter Jeremy for your thoughtful conclusion on the afternoon events.
After the fun, the SSPers (including myself) dispersed to get ready for a super fancy dinner for a really important person (Dr. Hollenbeck’s boss’s boss). As a result, the group was “encouraged” (forced) to wear fancy outfits.
Unfortunately for me, and fellow SSPer Sophie, we were left to spelunk Targét (a super fancy and expensive store) in search of dress shoes. And, who better to take us than Mr. Shorey!
(actual image of us shopping for shoes)
After scampering through the mall and returning to the dorms just 45 minutes before the super fancy dinner, we were forced to get ready and run to the IMU to settle down for the guest speaker. There, we consumed delicious food from Caliente (speculative) and sat through speeches by four SSPers (including me, the opener of course).
After their speeches, Dr. Weiss (the guest speaker) was called to the stage and spoke about his revolutionary work in regards to Type I Diabetes and developing a super molecule of insulin. He was such an enthusiastic speaker and spoke in detail about his 35+ years of research and hard work.
After the speech, and fighting about 20 people to get in spot for a SSP family photo, I wrangled most of our crew together and convinced Dr. Weiss to join as well.
But the fun didn’t stop there…
The SSP crew got drenched by the Midwest’s fake Monsoon season rain and were forced to walk through the back alley way tunnels to return safely back to their dorms admits the lightning storm…
The fun ended at 17:27 PM once everyone dragged themselves to their rooms to get changed for yet another adventure to the labs where we discovered that we would have to pull an all-nighter to create our assays. FAKE NEWS ALERT!!!!
In actuality, we all returned to the dorms and hung out with each other 🙂
WHOLESOME WARNING – WHOLESOME WARMING – WHOLESOME WARNING
With final remarks, that was the most uneventful day at SSP yet. This is Chief SSP Reporter Jiya at Goodbody Residential Building, 2nd floor, signing off.