Research into the experience of a lifetime… since 1959

Author | Maria G.

Editor | Rex S.


SSP has been the cause of much progress. This scientific environment has developed High schoolers (H. schoolers) in unforeseen ways. From running to Lindley Hall at 8:59 AM to accidentally shrinking/bleaching their clothes on Sundays, unprecedented development has been made. This paper will research one day of an H. schooler subspecies, Maria grau (M. grau) to fully understand how this colony of H. schoolers has managed not to burn down Indiana University. 


The educational experience of a lifetime… since 1959.


The day started with a missed alarm and M. grau running late. Noticing some time to get nutritional feed (a bagel with cream cheese), the individual went to the powerhouse of IU (the IMU). 

Figure 1. The tastiest, most delicious, delectable meal available on the IU campus. Including the bag and cups. The coffee, according to M. grau, tasted like medicine. Phagocytosis was performed. Elevated levels of protein came from the brown bag. 

Further on, M. grau and the rest of the H. schooler colony were led to work on the computer software MOE (Mleast Ouser-friendly Esoftware). This activity brought pain and sorrow. Needless to say, it was enjoyable for the H. schoolers

Figure 2. These H. schoolers smile through the pain as their proteins denature in MOE (M. grau has achieved this before. We don’t discuss it.). Individual Lauren Liu takes a picture to mark this sorrowful moment forever. 

A lecture was held on irreversible inhibitors. Afterward, the entire colony, including M. grau, left for lunch and the lab. Today, the task at hand was to finish running an inhibitor assay. To summarize, much pipetting was done, and the pink inhibitor was the prettiest. 

No horseplaying was performed. 

Figure 3. Horseplay (ft. Brian Austin-Handy).

The -80°C freezer was kept at -80°C.

Figure 4. I lied.

Tasteful music was played while work was done.

Figure 5. Who am I? Where am I? Who are you?

Lab activities were fulfilled.

Figure 6. Lab activities by Sophie Heitfield.


The rest of the evening for M. grau was much uneventful. Dinner was very nutritional and not just rice with an egg roll. After practicing a certain presentation with her group, she was off to practice her instrument. After some practicing alone, M. grau was joined by Mattia Amato to practice instruments together. In a stairwell.

Figure 7. M. grau almost fell down the stairwell.

Figure 8. Talent show preparations.


Results are not clear as to how these specimens have not burned down the Indiana University campus yet. For all intents and purposes, this campus should be done for already. However, further studying will be done across the next 9 days before funding for this research runs out. It is clear, however, that SSP is the educational experience of a lifetime… since 1959.